4 questions to ask your kids


By Save Your Sons.

A few months ago on Twitter (or...X) a commenter told me something that stuck with me.

I can't remember who left the comment. If it was you, send me a DM and I'll give you a shoutout.

But we were talking about nighttime routines with our kids. And the commenter said something that I immediately started incorporating with my own kids.

He said every night, after reading to his kids, he asks each of them 4 questions.

  1. What was your favorite part of today?
  2. What was your least favorite part of today?
  3. What are you grateful for today?
  4. What questions do you have for me?

When I saw this list of questions, I knew I had to start using them.

What an elegant and simple way to keep a cadence of conversation open with our kids.

I especially like the last question.

What questions do you have for me?

It plays into an old management trick I picked up years ago.

Here's the trick:

Don't ask "Do you have any questions for me?"

A yes/no question is too easy. It lets our kids reflexively respond "no". Which is the safe answer. And nobody gains anything from that.

Instead, leave it open ended.

What questions do you have for me?

It makes them more likely to give you an actual answer. It at least makes them more likely to think about an actual answer.

Add that to that the compounding power of asking this question every night, repeatedly.

And you've created a consistent and safe place for your kids to have an open dialogue with you. They expect it. They know it's always there. And when they need it most, that will make all the difference.

Do you have questions you ask your kids every day?

If so, share them on X (or...Twitter) and tag me. I'll repost it.

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